Something has struck me real hard. I am in a pure state of confusion. How could this be? Not that I have turned an infidel. Nothing can shake my faith, except God. But the stress level has jumped to an alarming stage and the coping strategies I learnt in OB class are not helping. I feel every bone in my body is broken, my muscles torn apart. I want to sleep and I want few days of solitude. If it had not been for fear, I would have not opened my eyes at least for last three days now. Things have suddenly turned ugly.
I don’t exactly remember what did we suffer in early 90’s, but people say it has been something of a sort. Two young people, protesting over the land transfer, were killed last night and whole of the valley has been burning since. If you ask me, I will say they want to change the demography of Kashmir. And our wait now is not going to be too long before an absolute genocide takes place. But then I am not writing a political piece.
Morning schedule has unexpectedly changed for me, before I even open up my eyes I grab my Nokia phone, GPRS enabled. Irfan’s (Rising Kashmir) Newspaper is in the favorite list. My fingers just remember where to click and where not. I travel the distance in moments. And may be that’s where ‘Time and Space’ ceases to be. I do not remember leaving an instance to tease him on his Beat- as they call it in their journalistic terminology, and I am being very genuine. His beat is Hurriyat but I only find one name around there, Geelani. May be for the right reasons, but then as I said I am not writing a political article. One reason I check news on that particular newspaper for that particular beat because I believe he has got a better understanding than others who do the same beat. Prejudices may creep in because he is a friend. Also because, I feel he might have some news for me. Once they carried a news, a good one but it has become a bad omen since.
My other phone, just enabled for voice calls and texts has been put to task by me. I have kept it on silent mode since. It doesn’t have a day, it doesn’t have a night. The first miss call I see in the morning reads Fvxan, trying to spell it like he does. He isn’t getting any sleep more than me. Not even the straightening of his long hair which has been kept under constant cover for past few years is helping. Not even its cost, I mean that would have served some 10 outings at Khyam for Me, Akhtar and Khateeb as well. Khan was never regular and Zeab has got a Job. And, yes if things turn ugly, you would have to give up on Orkutting. Laptops and Cookies aren’t allowed.
Last night while changing sides in my bed, I figured my phone was lighting. The only way you get to know that you have a call after you put it on silent mode. It was a landline number, damn us. Even Akhtar is unable to sleep. In university he pulls me by my hand to talk of bits and pieces. One thing he is keen on doing every now and then is make people laugh. But his smile has been missing since. No, I am not talking of Shahrukh in KANK, Akhtar is a real character.
Lamb, Beni, Nautanki and Teeny have not been able to figure out the real problem yet and we don’t want to tell them. Not that we don’t want to share, but it can be stressful for them. There is much more that I wanted to write for each of the above people but it won’t fit in the mood. Khan was a great support system last evening. I just feel like saying, “We should do it more often”.
I have also had few people calling me, trying to be Leaders. Even though they are just sympathy calls, but I have started hating them. One reason my phone is on silent mode. Also, I also believe that they have forgotten that I have been there “FOUNDER LEADER”. But now who has got time to make them understand, I have loads of other things to do. I am not a braggart, so I admit no one has offered me Rs.10 Million, yet. I haven’t changed sides as well. I don’t use people. I can’t play politics. I am still up for Independence. And I believe time proves for itself. I am not an opportunist as well.
I know things will settle down, everything thing will be set right but I felt like writing. Not just for myself but also for the people to read. And I believe this serves me for one more thing. I just want to declare to all the people whose names have come up in here, “I Love You”. And will keep on loving each one of you all my life.
