Letter to the Chief Minister!

Mr. Chief Minister
Sir,
You see, I don’t like winter. And I know you too would have no admiration for it, except when it snows and you go skiing. Let me tell you, I also like skiing but I never get a chance. I was planning to go this year, but you see it did not snow. People have being praying all over the valley for snow now, you know even Mirwaiz Omar was praying for snow yesterday at Jamia Masjid. He seemed quite worried about it. But they never show him skiing. Did you ever see him there? By the way, he is more interested in cricket. He is worried about Pakistan players not playing in IPL. Did you hear that? Yes, you must have. Why don’t you tell your father to do something about it? Anyways, tell me did you pray for snow? Or are you still praying to stick to your Chair! (I was joking; you see I have a good sense of humour.)
See, in all this I almost forgot why I was writing to you. You see, I finished my University course last year. And the I-Card I had expired too. As you know 26th January is approaching, so there is a lot of checking and frisking going on. I wanted to ask you, If you could tell them not to check my I card, or make do with my old one. I know most of them who check are illiterate and they cant read dates, but I am very afraid of their gun butts. You know, every time I come out of my house my Mother starts worrying about me. She knows I don’t have an I-card. I have even stopped going to village. No, no, I am not from village. I am an entrepreneur, a Farmer. I rear Sheep and Hen! So, I have to go to village, daily. But, I don’t have an I-Card. There is lot of Identity Check. My friend says, “How can they check our identity in our own land?” And you know they also beat an old man. Would you do something about it? You see, I felt so bad.
The other day when I was at my farm, army came thumping down to the village. It scared everyone there. Even I, because I don’t have an I-Card, you see. Villagers were trying to offer some tea and home made Roti’s to them, but they were busy trashing two young boys. You know what they had done, there cattle had run into the Army camp. That day, even my hens were scared. They did not lay eggs the next day! I don’t know the reason. Do you? Yes, yes, I am kidding! How would you, I know you studied hospitality. Did you learn cooking too? You could some day make food and we could eat together. You know, for long time I thought you had done MBA. Then, when you became the CM, I read your interview in Hindustaan Times, saying you never did MBA. Between, why don’t you give some good interviews about yourself to the Local Media, there are many misconceptions like this among people. We always get to see you on India Media channels, and you know how biased they are. I know, you too know but you have to keep them happy, no?
See, I forgot to tell you. You really looked like a Model on GQ’s Cover. They call you the new poster boy. Why did you not try modeling? You really would have done well. But, one thing which I don’t understand is, why Indian Media gives you so much coverage. More than Nitish Kumar, who brought Bihar’s GDP to 11.03, only second to Gujarat. And they know you have not done anything of such caliber, except that you fought your father (of course, a Domestic fight) to become the CM. And, yes, you did this at a Young age. You should check this out. This might be a conspiracy against you. Like the one they did against your Grandfather.
But you know, I still think you would better have been a Model. Although I know Mirwaiz Omar has better looks, but you see he is a Cleric. He won’t think of doing so. Neither would magazine’s like GQ give him the front cover.
And that Mr.Geelani, I know that old man has been giving you some sleepless nights. He doesn’t even see his age, you are almost a Grandson to him. He blew that Shopian rape incident out of proportions. But I think you should tell him that you are more interested in campaigning for Congress all over India then caring about those unfortunate girls. And I know girls in Delhi, Mumbai and other such states are crazy about you.
I get so much deviated from the real thing. Yes, about the I-Card. Do you think I should not come out of my house for next four days? But, you see, I am not a militant, I swear I never seen a gun, except when it is hanging on your armies arm. But, my mom, she won’t allow me to go out, you see. So, I will have to stay put!
And, yes wanted to tell you, if could tell your security forces not to kill young boys like they did last week. He was so young, that his marriage would have been called a child marriage.
Also wanted to ask you, “Do you have an I-Card?” Some one told me you don’t have one, that’s why you ran to Jammu, so that you skip checking and frisking! That was a good idea sirji!
;)
Irtif Lone,
The Farmer!